Living abroad is meeting douzens of people, making a lot of friends, getting to know a couple of soulmates… And missing your hometown friends, because nobody is like them.
Something well know is that only strong relationships would survive long distances. I wasn’t expecting that to happen with frienship, though. Everybody leaving abroad has experienced this: All your friends and family throw big goodbye-parties, they give you goodbye-gifts, and goodbye-whishes. They tell you to write, and call and they assure you will be talking often. I don’t know how lucky have you been, but for me 75% of that wishes has been proven lies.
I think the best thing about going abroad in respect to the frienship relationships is that you wipe out useless ones. Leaving your hometown for months is an awesome opportunity to understand who is your real friend and who is not.
And I’m not saying that understanding isn’t hard. It is.
Some of the people who told me they would be there for me and aren’t weren’t a surprise. I expected that our fake frienship would end as soon as I wouldn’t be around, as it was only a convenience relationship in which they would use me whenever they needed to. I didn’t consider them my friends before and I’m not considering them my friends now. They aren’t, no matter how many good wishes they wrote me before leaving. Deep inside I hope the actual situation -in which they won’t talk to me or fake anymore that they are actually interested in me or my abroad life- will remain the same when I come back. I don’t have time for fake friends, I would rather use it for my real ones.
But some of the friends I thought real dissapeared also as soon as I left the airport. And it’s sad. And it hurts.
For instance, I have just read a note one of my friends gave me when I left. She wrote it soon after my breakup, when I told her I was afraid I would never feel anything again for anyone. She was the only one I shared that feeling with, such an intimate fear. In the note, she assured me that she would help me through, and that even when I were far still would be there for a call or a text or a virtual hug.
She’s only one of too many examples. But I actually think this is the best that could happen to me, to know that they aren’t not my friends before it’s too late. Even though it hurts. Things that help you grow up always hurt. Thank you Erasmus for wiping out people who don’t care about me and leaving only the ones that love me. And thank you for the new friends!
Erasmus… What an experience.